If something is not to your liking,
change your liking. ~Patricia Ryan Madison
I recently tried a new exercise in a leadership development class and I
think it got my point across much more effectively than if I had stated the
obvious. Everyone in the class had
completed the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
Then I categorized their basic workplace MO (modus operandi) by graphing
a combination of their Extrovert/Introvert and Judging/Perceiving scores. These combinations fall into one of four
groups I call Quickly Conclusive, Just-in-Time Planner, Thoughtful Spontaneity,
and Reflective Realization. Then I gave
them each a slip of paper with one of the four categories written on it that did not represent their actual
personality. The task I gave them was
simple. As a group, decide where you
would go out to eat this evening followed by some type of activity. But, participate
in the discussion as someone with the MO that is written on the slip of paper,
not your actual personality type.
It was kind of fun to watch them battle against their own nature. My favorite was one person who just sat there
and never said anything. At the
conclusion of the exercise he admitted that it was so difficult for him he
didn't even know where to begin.
Consequently, his experience illustrated my point.
I reminded them that sometimes the person sitting across the conference
table may feel the same level of frustration they just felt because their
personality or MO is so different. What
feels so natural and "right" to us, may feel excruciatingly painful to the
person across the table.
Real leaders learn to walk around the table (metaphorically).
Patricia Ryan Madison authored the book, Improv Wisdom: Don’t Prepare, Just Show Up. This book was not written for actors seeking
to hone their improv skills, it was written for ordinary people just like you
and me. It's described as an
irresistible invitation to lighten up, look around, and live an unscripted
life. No matter how carefully we
formulate a "script," it is bound to change when we interact with people with
scripts of their own. As the quote
states, "if something is not to your liking, change your liking."
These real leaders walk around the table and change their liking. They are able to listen, understand, empathize,
and lean into the person across the table who may have an MO that's a stark
contrast to their own. These leaders don't
focus on trying to get everyone to become "like them." Instead they move around the table
effortlessly (or at least they make it appear as if it's really that
natural).
I'm guessing some of you might think this doesn't sound very authentic or
genuine; like you're faking it. I think we can make the argument that it's very authentic and genuine. If an individual is truly self-aware, knows
who they are, and is so secure in who they are that they can meet others
precisely where they are, then that sounds very genuine to me. In other words, they know how to change their
liking. This isn't implying we need to
give up who we are, but it is suggesting that we need to learn to embrace and
accept who others are, with all their similarities and differences.
Next time things feel a little uncomfortable at the conference table,
instead of holding tight to your own MO, trying walking around the table.
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