Real leaders can walk around the table.

If something is not to your liking, change your liking.  ~Patricia Ryan Madison

I recently tried a new exercise in a leadership development class and I think it got my point across much more effectively than if I had stated the obvious.  Everyone in the class had completed the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.  Then I categorized their basic workplace MO (modus operandi) by graphing a combination of their Extrovert/Introvert and Judging/Perceiving scores.  These combinations fall into one of four groups I call Quickly Conclusive, Just-in-Time Planner, Thoughtful Spontaneity, and Reflective Realization.  Then I gave them each a slip of paper with one of the four categories written on it that did not represent their actual personality.  The task I gave them was simple.  As a group, decide where you would go out to eat this evening followed by some type of activity. But, participate in the discussion as someone with the MO that is written on the slip of paper, not your actual personality type.

It was kind of fun to watch them battle against their own nature.  My favorite was one person who just sat there and never said anything.  At the conclusion of the exercise he admitted that it was so difficult for him he didn't even know where to begin.  Consequently, his experience illustrated my point. 

I reminded them that sometimes the person sitting across the conference table may feel the same level of frustration they just felt because their personality or MO is so different.  What feels so natural and "right" to us, may feel excruciatingly painful to the person across the table.

Real leaders learn to walk around the table (metaphorically).

Patricia Ryan Madison authored the book, Improv Wisdom: Don’t Prepare, Just Show Up.  This book was not written for actors seeking to hone their improv skills, it was written for ordinary people just like you and me.  It's described as an irresistible invitation to lighten up, look around, and live an unscripted life.  No matter how carefully we formulate a "script," it is bound to change when we interact with people with scripts of their own.  As the quote states, "if something is not to your liking, change your liking."

These real leaders walk around the table and change their liking.  They are able to listen, understand, empathize, and lean into the person across the table who may have an MO that's a stark contrast to their own.  These leaders don't focus on trying to get everyone to become "like them."  Instead they move around the table effortlessly (or at least they make it appear as if it's really that natural). 

I'm guessing some of you might think this doesn't sound very authentic or genuine; like you're faking it. I think we can make the argument that it's very authentic and genuine.  If an individual is truly self-aware, knows who they are, and is so secure in who they are that they can meet others precisely where they are, then that sounds very genuine to me.  In other words, they know how to change their liking.  This isn't implying we need to give up who we are, but it is suggesting that we need to learn to embrace and accept who others are, with all their similarities and differences.

Next time things feel a little uncomfortable at the conference table, instead of holding tight to your own MO, trying walking around the table.