Leaders go to the balcony.

One of the greatest powers we have in a negotiation is the power not to react.  Instead, leaders go to the balcony, a place of perspective, calm and clarity.  ~William Ury (co-author of Getting to Yes)

Last week I heard an interview with William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes, and I was especially drawn to his metaphor of going to the balcony.  I suppose I was drawn to the metaphor because that’s what I do— go to the balcony—literally.  For decades now, I’ve preferred the seats in the balcony (or rear of the auditorium if there is no balcony) as opposed to the front row seats whether I’m attending a concert, a play, or a church service.  I discovered many years ago that for me, part of the experience was being able to truly see the big picture and that included the audience’s response and/or interaction with what was happening on stage.  It’s a different view that changes my perspective.

William Ury negotiates with global world leaders on issues of significant consequence.  Even with his 30+ years of experience he still has to remind himself to “go to the balcony.”  He shared a story about attempting to assist the President of Venezuela with a rather intense negotiation.  Part of that process included sitting very close to the President and listening to him rant and rave for nearly 30 minutes and William did not react.  But, he said he had to pinch his hand to remind himself to go to the balcony.  After the President finally ended his verbal assault he asked William, “So what do I do?”  William was then able to invite the President (metaphorically speaking) to join him in the balcony and they were able to move toward a calm place of perspective.

Another example comes to mind from several years ago when a friend came to me for some advice.  He described his current work situation where he was a part-time, contract employee with a software start-up and he really wanted to move to a full-time, paid employee position with the organization.  But he was very frustrated with his boss (the owner of the small start-up), he felt like she was taking credit for others’ work, didn’t listen to his suggestions, etc., etc. 

He too went through quite the verbal assault and then he asked me what he should say to her.  It was fairly clear that he was looking for a consultant-approved way to essentially tell her off that would somehow inspire her to “see the light” and change her behavior.  Instead, I responded with two words: compliment her.  He looked at me both stunned and perplexed.  I was essentially inviting him to the balcony.  I explained that if his ultimate goal was to get a full-time job, then he should look for her strengths and compliment her. 

Because his emotions were running high, he believed that if he could “react” that he would feel some resolve.  But he was sitting in the front row, missing the big picture.  He could only see his own emotions, insecurities and anger.  Had he moved boldly to the balcony, he may have found a place of perspective, calm and clarity.

If we all stop and think about it, we could identify moments every day when we could benefit from going to the balcony.  The metaphor applies to far more than negotiations, it can apply to any interaction we have with another individual.  And as leaders, if we go to the balcony, others are likely to follow.